I hate yoga.

There, I said it. I hate yoga.


Every one of my friends swears by it. “You feel so energized after!” “It’s so spiritually enlightening!” “You’ll be so much stronger!”

Bull. Crap.

I tried it and failed. The teacher made me stay after class when I couldn’t correctly downward dog. “Straighten your back and align your chakras,” she told me. “Please speak English,” I responded as she pushed my back into unwelcome positions.

During the breathing time at the end I tried clearing my mind but could only think “Crap, I need to pee. I really should check my email. I wonder if J Crew is having a spring sale. Why is she talking about the forest?”

I left thinking that I least I got in a good workout to log into my fitness journal. I logged into SparkPeople, input my hour of yoga and looked at my daily totals. 150 calories burned??? WHAT? You mean I stood sideways on one foot turning bright red and wanting to scream just to break the meditative silence for a measly 150 calories??? Not my cup of tea friends. Not at all.

I’m going back tonight just to see if I’m missing out on something because seriously if anyone could use some spiritual enlightenment its me, but I’m not expecting much. Am I the only person in the world (besides Natalie Dee) who doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about?