Things are a little crazy right now. I'm temporarily staying at my mom's house and scouting apartments just in case this trial living situation ends up more permanent. I can't even afford anything until next month at the very least and it'll be hard finding a place that accepts an adorable but naughty puppy. I figured it's better to start looking and saving now just in case, rather than scrambling later.
In addition, I've decided to move over to WordPress. I've been with Blogger a long time with The Smarter Princess and Unlucky Lucy and it makes me sad to say goodbye, but it's missing some features that WordPress can better provide me with.
So my horoscope was right I guess. Two big moves this month.
Please come visit at my new blog and change your feeds to http://unluckylucy.wordpress.com
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Susan Miller tells it like it is.
I don’t often read my horoscope, but when I do feel the need I head straight to Astrology Zone. After talking to my boss about the general funk everybody’s been in lately she pondered that maybe it had to do with the positioning of the stars and planets.
“Is mercury in retrograde?” I asked. (It is, by the way.)
“Maybe,” she responded, “I really do believe in all of that.”
So I headed to my computer and looked up my horoscope for the month. Where most of the page focused on the full moon. TODAY.
“A key relationship may become crystallized at the full moon, April 28, or you may change your mind about moving ahead, which would be a decision in itself. You won't be able to put off a decision, but I don't think you will want to. Even so, it looks like whatever you decide now won't actually take effect until mid-to-late May (or even later), which would be ideal timing.
Full moons like the one that will come up April 28 are often emotional times, and it's possible that you may experience a flair-up. Try to keep the waters calm, realizing that if you are getting upset, there's a good chance your partner's emotions will escalate, too. If you do have a disagreement or sense pressure at the full moon, a housing situation could be the crux of the problem. If this happens, you'll need to find a quick solution, but fortunately, you can do so by being calm, respectful, and resourceful. Also, with Mercury retrograde, nothing will be written in stone, so if the solution you choose now proves to be not to your liking later, you can change things at that time. Be flexible.
This full moon might bring a decision to get engaged or married, or conversely, to get divorced. A full moon will always make things very clear and a full moon in a commitment house, as this one will be, will show you the direction the relationship has been taking for some time.”
Which would explain why Frog Prince and I had a very serious discussion last night about me moving out.
C’mon. Admit it’s eerily accurate.
“Is mercury in retrograde?” I asked. (It is, by the way.)
“Maybe,” she responded, “I really do believe in all of that.”
So I headed to my computer and looked up my horoscope for the month. Where most of the page focused on the full moon. TODAY.
“A key relationship may become crystallized at the full moon, April 28, or you may change your mind about moving ahead, which would be a decision in itself. You won't be able to put off a decision, but I don't think you will want to. Even so, it looks like whatever you decide now won't actually take effect until mid-to-late May (or even later), which would be ideal timing.
Full moons like the one that will come up April 28 are often emotional times, and it's possible that you may experience a flair-up. Try to keep the waters calm, realizing that if you are getting upset, there's a good chance your partner's emotions will escalate, too. If you do have a disagreement or sense pressure at the full moon, a housing situation could be the crux of the problem. If this happens, you'll need to find a quick solution, but fortunately, you can do so by being calm, respectful, and resourceful. Also, with Mercury retrograde, nothing will be written in stone, so if the solution you choose now proves to be not to your liking later, you can change things at that time. Be flexible.
This full moon might bring a decision to get engaged or married, or conversely, to get divorced. A full moon will always make things very clear and a full moon in a commitment house, as this one will be, will show you the direction the relationship has been taking for some time.”
Which would explain why Frog Prince and I had a very serious discussion last night about me moving out.
C’mon. Admit it’s eerily accurate.
Feelings
“I know you have feelings for him,” Frog Prince told me over dinner. “I just want you to admit it.”
I didn’t know what to say. Saying no feels like a lie, but saying yes isn’t quite accurate either.
I do know that if Frog and I weren’t together then I would certainly date T. After dinner and too much beer I wouldn’t have turned my head away from the too intimate gaze. I would have let him kiss me. And I think it would have been great in that oh my god – knees weak – can’t breathe kind of way.
But I am with Frog. And so the line isn’t crossed. Nor is it acknowledged.
But I want him in my life. I notice myself a little sadder as the days between our interactions grow longer. And I miss him.
How do you tell your boyfriend that you don’t have feelings when you constantly check your phone for another text; for a call; for some brief communication about poetry or music or love.
“Let’s have dinner and talk about life/love/music bliss,” he had written before I last saw him.
Lately it’s been nothing but silence.
It makes me miss him more.
I didn’t know what to say. Saying no feels like a lie, but saying yes isn’t quite accurate either.
I do know that if Frog and I weren’t together then I would certainly date T. After dinner and too much beer I wouldn’t have turned my head away from the too intimate gaze. I would have let him kiss me. And I think it would have been great in that oh my god – knees weak – can’t breathe kind of way.
But I am with Frog. And so the line isn’t crossed. Nor is it acknowledged.
But I want him in my life. I notice myself a little sadder as the days between our interactions grow longer. And I miss him.
How do you tell your boyfriend that you don’t have feelings when you constantly check your phone for another text; for a call; for some brief communication about poetry or music or love.
“Let’s have dinner and talk about life/love/music bliss,” he had written before I last saw him.
Lately it’s been nothing but silence.
It makes me miss him more.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Readers Beware: This Blog Apparently Causes Bulimia
Frog Prince and I are in a bit of a pickle right now. We’ve been having problems for awhile, but they’ve really come to a head in the last week.
The problem all began when he read my blog. AGAIN. You see, back in the day I had a blog that I loved. I wrote in it for years, made my little bloggy friends, and then had to abandon it when Frog Prince found it. (By going through my computer history nonetheless.) I cried and cried, but he promised to never do it again. Until he did. So I pulled myself together and created Unlucky Lucy. And I thought I was in the clear.
Recently I noticed a strange visitor in my stats. A visitor from “Hide my Ass” had been visiting every day for a week, multiple times a day even. I confronted him and after some prodding on my part he eventually admitted that he had searched through comments of blogs he knew I read until he found my new blog.
Bad, Frog. Bad! Again, I cried. And yelled. And slapped him. And pulled out a big wad of his arm hairs. (What? It’s my only defense!) He got teary (from both the arm hair yanking and the thought of making me sad) and promised to never look again. I told him that I could never trust him since I’ve certainly heard that line many times before. But at this point, I can’t do anything but take the chance and write here anyway. The thought of abandoning another blog just breaks my Unlucky heart.
Which brings us to what he read. He knew most of it. I’ve been pretty honest in letting him know my feelings and doubts. No surprise there. He even admitted that it made him feel better knowing that I wasn’t keeping anything from him.
What understandably bothered him was T. After reading Part One of the T story he went into his bathroom at work and vomited. He says he’s been vomiting a lot lately, full of anxiety about everything in his life. Especially me. I’d noticed he’d been getting thinner, but I assumed he was just being really good about his diet. Who knew that my big old football playing boyfriend developed bulimia this past month?
I explained my friendship with T again and told him how much I need this in my life right now. How I’m feeling smothered and I need to be able to spend time with people besides him. That sometimes I even like to be alone and that he doesn’t have to follow me from room to room. I’m an only child. I need space.
Yesterday things finally started to settle down. We were holding hands again, joking, meeting my mom for dinner. Then I made the mistake of responding to T’s text about some songs he wants to work on. And Frog Prince freaked. Big time. In the middle of my mom’s living room he had a full-on PMS-like woman temper tantrum. His eyes welled up, he began whining, and then yelling.
As my mom excused herself, I spoke to him sternly and quietly telling him “Man up right now. You’re embarrassing me and you’re embarrassing yourself. Stop being such a god damned pussy right now. It’s pathetic.” I’m really not a nice girl when it comes to men showing their emotions. It’s just not something I understand. Of course he only got more upset and sullen.
Later that night we talked about it. He explained that he needs to feel loved and I explained that I’m giving him everything I can give him. Aside from completely giving up my life, I am showing as much love as I possibly can. I hold his hand, I kiss him, I send him cute emails, I dote on him as much as possible and, I reminded him, “Are you really forgetting that just 4 days ago I spent all that time and money throwing you a weekend long party in
It’s a shame, this place we’re in; A terrible circle of emotions. The more he needs me the more he whines and clings which in turn makes me feel smothered and pull further away, which makes him cling even more.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’ve given him everything I have and I need to reclaim part of myself. I just don’t know how to do that without killing a piece of him in the process.
Monday, April 12, 2010
The Less Abstract, More Typical Lucy Explanation
I want to explain my last post in a non-abstract poetic bullshit way.
In no way am I planning on leaving my boyfriend for some guy I hardly know. I’m not in love with this guy, or even crushing on him in a big way either. I think at this point I’m fully capable of having a strong emotional connection to someone in a friendly capacity.
I could easily feel this way about a woman, but this time he happens a man. I suppose that might get confusing, as feelings often do. There’s just something so honest, so deep about him that I feel the need to have him in my life. Maybe not permanently, maybe not for long at all, but at this point in my life I feel like he can offer me things that I need. Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, musically; he’s teaching me and pushing me to expand myself. I want to be surrounded by that energy.
I don’t know where all of this soul, energy, aura stuff is coming from right now. Perhaps the yoga, or the need I’ve felt lately to find more meaning in my life, or maybe it’s just that I finished Eat, Pray, Love and am desperate to follow in her lead. Whatever it is, I’m beginning to feel a bit of the void being filled by what T gives me. I’m letting myself speak freely without my guarded sarcasm, feel without worry, and open up to my creativity.
Frog Prince can’t help with these aspects of myself. Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t help me in other ways. He’s teaching me patience, and to control my emotions. He taught me to be more relaxed, to sit still. He’s teaching me how to be responsible. At 23, he’s in many ways the adult I may never be. But still, he tries to teach me. They’re all lessons I need and he’s in my universe to provide those lessons to me. Along of course with love and kindness and all of those other great things.
What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that I think different people come into your life for different reasons at various times. And I’m really lucky to have people in my life right now that I know are bettering me.
In no way am I planning on leaving my boyfriend for some guy I hardly know. I’m not in love with this guy, or even crushing on him in a big way either. I think at this point I’m fully capable of having a strong emotional connection to someone in a friendly capacity.
I could easily feel this way about a woman, but this time he happens a man. I suppose that might get confusing, as feelings often do. There’s just something so honest, so deep about him that I feel the need to have him in my life. Maybe not permanently, maybe not for long at all, but at this point in my life I feel like he can offer me things that I need. Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, musically; he’s teaching me and pushing me to expand myself. I want to be surrounded by that energy.
I don’t know where all of this soul, energy, aura stuff is coming from right now. Perhaps the yoga, or the need I’ve felt lately to find more meaning in my life, or maybe it’s just that I finished Eat, Pray, Love and am desperate to follow in her lead. Whatever it is, I’m beginning to feel a bit of the void being filled by what T gives me. I’m letting myself speak freely without my guarded sarcasm, feel without worry, and open up to my creativity.
Frog Prince can’t help with these aspects of myself. Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t help me in other ways. He’s teaching me patience, and to control my emotions. He taught me to be more relaxed, to sit still. He’s teaching me how to be responsible. At 23, he’s in many ways the adult I may never be. But still, he tries to teach me. They’re all lessons I need and he’s in my universe to provide those lessons to me. Along of course with love and kindness and all of those other great things.
What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that I think different people come into your life for different reasons at various times. And I’m really lucky to have people in my life right now that I know are bettering me.
Electric
I haven’t felt this way since Jeff. Jeff, that loving musician hippie that pulled me out of a bad relationship when I was only 20.
Our relationship was electric. Each touch, each smile electricity through my veins.
He was much older and had lived too much life for even a 26 year old. Drugs and lies and addictions that tore us apart. But I think of him often. Him and his laugh, all of that love he wasn’t afraid to show.
T is so much like him. This time there are no lies or drugs, just that huge heart and smile that I remember from Jeff. That electric aura that I get caught up in. The one that says “This man needs to be a part of your life. He can teach you things you never dreamed.”
We sing, we write, we read poetry and talk about God. He’s going to teach me to meditate, to be present and without stress. He calls me spunky.
He knows I have a boyfriend. Knows our friendship is only that, but I still smile hours after I see him, hoping he’s doing the same.
When he hugged me good-bye I sank into his arms thinking “There is so much good in his heart.” And I felt it radiate within me, electricity through my veins.
Our relationship was electric. Each touch, each smile electricity through my veins.
He was much older and had lived too much life for even a 26 year old. Drugs and lies and addictions that tore us apart. But I think of him often. Him and his laugh, all of that love he wasn’t afraid to show.
T is so much like him. This time there are no lies or drugs, just that huge heart and smile that I remember from Jeff. That electric aura that I get caught up in. The one that says “This man needs to be a part of your life. He can teach you things you never dreamed.”
We sing, we write, we read poetry and talk about God. He’s going to teach me to meditate, to be present and without stress. He calls me spunky.
He knows I have a boyfriend. Knows our friendship is only that, but I still smile hours after I see him, hoping he’s doing the same.
When he hugged me good-bye I sank into his arms thinking “There is so much good in his heart.” And I felt it radiate within me, electricity through my veins.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I hate yoga.
There, I said it. I hate yoga.
Every one of my friends swears by it. “You feel so energized after!” “It’s so spiritually enlightening!” “You’ll be so much stronger!”
Bull. Crap.
I tried it and failed. The teacher made me stay after class when I couldn’t correctly downward dog. “Straighten your back and align your chakras,” she told me. “Please speak English,” I responded as she pushed my back into unwelcome positions.
During the breathing time at the end I tried clearing my mind but could only think “Crap, I need to pee. I really should check my email. I wonder if J Crew is having a spring sale. Why is she talking about the forest?”
I left thinking that I least I got in a good workout to log into my fitness journal. I logged into SparkPeople, input my hour of yoga and looked at my daily totals. 150 calories burned??? WHAT? You mean I stood sideways on one foot turning bright red and wanting to scream just to break the meditative silence for a measly 150 calories??? Not my cup of tea friends. Not at all.
I’m going back tonight just to see if I’m missing out on something because seriously if anyone could use some spiritual enlightenment its me, but I’m not expecting much. Am I the only person in the world (besides Natalie Dee) who doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about?
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